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Saturday, February 16, 2013

Where Is My Heart?

Wow, I just realized it was Dec 22nd since I last blogged!  The comment thread has been constantly active since then, anyway.

Lynn spent Christmas with me and we went to the community dinner in Moab put on by Wabi Sabi. This was the first Christmas in a long time that I didn't spend with my parents, being tied down to a house-sit.  It has been a record cold winter in Moab, and Lynn toughed it out for a few days outdoors with me until a house-sit came along (right when it got bitterly cold).   Lynn decided to take a bus back to Maryland after the New Year festivities.  Of  course I got really sad, missing her and our wonderful talks and quiet hang-outs.  Ah, yes, I'm still a man of attachment, loving to have new friend visitors and sad when they leave.  What most impressed me about her is her spirit of constancy, never complaining (except jokingly, about the bitter cold).

I got pretty sick with a bronchial infection before Lynn left.  I only get sick when I'm living indoors.  In all the years I've lived this way, I've never gotten sick sleeping outside in the bitter cold. Whatever, I'm healthy now and still indoors, until Monday.  When I make sure I eat super healthy food I'm okay.  Living outdoors, I eat wild edibles every day, and that keeps me strong.

Right now I'm house-sitting at Cosy Sheridan's house while she is on her music tour all over the US.  She has lots of good books and I've been reading voraciously.

A Hungarian television journalist, Hesna (Al Ghaoui Hesna) and her film crew were here for a couple of days and camped with me in the guest cave.  They were lots of fun, but I'm a bit frazzled.  They're working on a documentary which should be available on You Tube in a few weeks.

Planning But Not Vowing With Words

Some friends and I are brainstorming on a possible walking moneyless tribe on pilgrimage.  I so feel this moneyless venture can't be a one man gig.  A lot of folks over past months, years, have emailed me wondering if they could join me, needing direction, and I've been a bit overwhelmed, not answering hardly any of them.  Feelings of uncertainty.  But new inspiration is arising!  Maybe I'll go through all those emails and contact them (you, if you're reading this) and share these ideas, sometime when I have lots of computer time.  God willing: Inshaallah: the will of all Nature, all that is natural.

Community and doing, not merely talking, is where life resides.   If this moneyless community happens, it must be total commitment, with nothing to go back to, no credit cards (of course), no money (not even a penny), no cell phones, no dead to bury, no attachments, not something to try for a while half-heartedly.  Where your treasure is, your heart will be there.  Is your treasure a spot on earth or is it in heaven, within, so you will always be Here and Now, here with your neighbor and not somebody else?  We want people here who are here and no where else.  There can be no courage, no confidence, otherwise.  Put the hand to the plow and don't look back.  Life looks forward, death looks backward.  Live life.  It's a little scary writing even this much publicly, because I too often feel unworthy for the cause.  But we'd never get out of bed if we let such doubts rule us.  There's much more in the plans, but that's all I can share for now.

It's natural to plant ideas and plan with words and thoughts.  But beware of boasting for tomorrow, making vows, placing ourselves in debt!  When our minds are in debt or seeking credit (attached to the past or future), our hearts, our treasures, are not Here and Now.

The doing is the vow, the doing is the commitment, not words.  There must be absolutely no delay between the vowing and the fulfilling of the vow, because the doing of the vow is the vow, beyond words!  Spoken vows for the future are fickle and illusory and come from a deluded heart.  There are no marriage vows or contracts or promises in Reality.  There is no divorce in Reality, because there are no marriage vows, no written contracts.  Marriage vows and contracts and promises cannot come from a heart of love, but only from a heart of possession and fear of the future, fear of loss.  Vows are are insidious debt, and come from a heart of debt, delusion.  The True Buddhist Vow is not words for the future, but words stating the Present, what is already happening.  And to state what is already Present is to state what will always happen in the future, the unbreakable vow for the future.  A heart that is not here is dead.  Forgive us our debts, forgive us our vows.  Resurrect from death, awaken from sleep, Now.  Only Reality is total, unshaking commitment, loving your spouse, loving your neighbor, totally in the Present, un-divorce-able.  When we have no debt (except love) we seek no credit, because the credit is the doing.  The debt of love is the credit of love, when credit and debt are both One in the Present.  Hallelujah:  All Credit to the Eternal Present.  What will unfold in grace will unfold on its own without manipulation.

So don't let yourself be so impressed with these words.
Be impressed with doing.


Do, or do not.
There is no try.
--Yoda





 




45 comments:

  1. "He who has 50 loves has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes." - "The Buddha" (This might be better quoted as "The Internet")

    Is love selfish attachment?

    Should we really avoid love with the same zeal we avoid hatred with?

    Man, I wish I was more confident of my understanding of just anything at all.

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    1. romantic love is of a lower frequency than universal love. its no wonder all the great teachers were single and unattached.

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    2. Buddha affirmed this belief by leaving his young wife and newborn child at the age of 29, to search for truth. Isn't that noble of him? He was a GREAT teacher, and.....role model.

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    3. Any problems with Buddhism are best understood from listening to the living Buddha, that sits deep inside your heart, in my experience he is often found chilling out with his brother Jesus.
      Approach them, they live with one purpose, which is to show you that there is nothing to fear in world. You are the Buddha, you are the Christ.
      Don't get hung up on the "form" seek the "Content" and let life flow.. peace Richard

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    4. So, Richard, you must not agree with Suelo that "by their fruits you shall know them."

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  2. Wow. This is gonna big. You can do it Suelo. People's awareness of the illusion that is money grows all the time.

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  3. Suelo says: <>

    Isn't commitment a form of vow? The context of the rest of your statement confirms it:

    <>

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  4. Let's try that again ^^^

    Suelo says, "If this moneyless community happens, it must be total commitment"

    Isn't commitment a form of vow? This is comfirmed by the rest of what you said, "with nothing to go back to, no credit cards (of course), no money (not even a penny), no cell phones, no dead to bury, no attachments, not something to try for a while half-heartedly."

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    1. "I need living companions who follow me because they want to follow themselves—-and who want to go where I want to go."
      -Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche

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    2. Anon - you perhaps missed my point in the post. Please see my comment on vowing below.

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    3. If there is no need to tell a mother to be committed to her young, yet you urge commitment to this movement, doesn't that indicate a difference in what the mother has and what must exist, but possibly might not, for this movement? Aren't you really urging "marriage" to this cause, including a type of vow? It sure looks like it to me.

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    4. Yes, I am urging a commitment, a vow! A vow beyond words, the vow in which there is absolutely no delay between the vowing and the fulfilling of that vow. To do from inspiration is to vow in truth, to live a vow that *you did not make* but comes from beyond the mind's will, as the mother instinct does not come from her mind. "I can do nothing of myself." To promise is to vow in manipulation, from the mind's will. Peter promised he would not betray Jesus, and his promise was already broken in his making it, just as a marriage vow is already broken in making it. But if one has inspiration for this movement, follow it. If not, don't. To do what your heart is not into is to lie, to live in debt, a guaranteed broken vow. If your treasure is somewhere else, your heart won't be into your present work. If your treasure is within you, not stockpiled somewhere else, your heart will be in your present action and you will act and do all things with your whole heart. You can't start building the tower and finish it until you give up all earthly treasures (for those familiar with that parable - read it to the end). Then you will not back out on your inspired determination. It's scary for me to say this, because I still find myself with earthly treasures tugging at me and a doubting heart. May it become empty of doubt, empty of possessions.

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    5. The cost of discipleship is the loss of every earthly friendship and even your life--it is a surrender of your life to Jesus Christ.

      This is what God calls you to. Ro 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

      There is a peace that passes understanding, a love and a joy that comes only with faith in Jesus Christ. But that is not all. There is a great price--your very life, given up for Him. Count the cost. If you do not count the cost, you will be like the seed that fell on stony ground.

      Mr 4:16 And these are they likewise which are sown on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness;

      17 And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended.


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  5. Walking moneyless tribe.. That sound awesome. It'll be by invitation only?. Walk with any direction? Maybe across America (The continent not U.S.A).

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  6. Suelo ~ Friend, You Never cease to pour out such unbounded love and hope to us seekers. Sure, we have examples like the Sages of Old, many Saints; but to actually be with one another, joined, in a community IN THE HERE, THE NOW, being eachother's examples. This idea, this brainstorming, just blows my mind. Ah, such contentment I feel ~NOW~ that you have planted such a comforting idea within this heart; Fear not of boasting and planning, anxiety and debt, for ~I AM~ here with You ~NOW~, friend, I AM with You. ~ `EPOCH` ~ ,Riversong* <3

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  7. Not to poop on your parade path, but I take issue with the marriage reference. While I agree traditional contracts are governmentally regulated, church-ordained and stained with underlying motive, a commitment between 2 souls, an agreement made of love is not second-rate. To say that "romantic" love is of a lower frequency as Ben postulated, needs dissected a little further. While fleeting, sexual, dramatic ties and innuendos can throw us from a path of deliverance, there is nothing wrong with saying to another you are willing to commit to be there for them and they for you.

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    1. On the subject of Love... we can say very little.
      However we could possibly say and try to go very deep with this definition of love which i shall write in capital, but not as a shout, more a beautiful wood carved art work." LOVE DOES NOT CONDEMN ". I think if you carry that around as a meditation into your relationships, your sense of self, your thoughts about money, politicians and so on then you will be on the path to peace. It will bring an end to thoughts about right or wrong because it will direct your speech and your actions. It does take deliberate effort though to remember. Love is love,and we are that love and we each walk are own unique journey back to that state of innocence, relax and let life flow it will carry you home..peace Richard

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    2. noble sentiments Richard. I have read the poem about what love is not which I believe you are referring to with the love does not condemn statement. It is sometimes easier tosay what love is not, i.e. abuse, murder, theft, degradation and so on. But for the issue of marriage, we cannot truly own another or control someone's heart if they do not wish to follow on the same path. I hear everyone tout community above "marriage" or the love that can and does exist between 2 people. Community is sometimes nothing more than 2 people meeting each other at the God level and helping one another along. The word that seems to be troublesome here is "romantic". I suspect if this were true, then it is all a matter of intent as opposed to outcome. When someone does for another in the name of marriage or romantic love, it ought not to be relegated to a lower state than that which reaches the community level. There are many acts, deed, and parts of being that are required to make a whole. You sometimes can only touch one person at a time even at the community level or what is though of "for the greater good". It's not a number game because some families have 3,4, or 50 people included. Suelo talks about serious commitment to the cause and this is needed because we are human and we will stray from a path at times. It is not always pleasant and does not always feel like love manifest. The true commitment is what we make with ourselves and within ourselves. Not to you, to me, to God, to country to community, but to ourselves and within ourselves.

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    4. Romantic love serves the purpose of holding society together and that's a good thing. However, when one's desire to take the ultimate plunge begins to take root all the ego's desires and wishes of having that other person "complete" you falls by the wayside. Romantic love still relies upon the ego's existance in order to exist and that is not the ultimate goal. Not trying to bash you or anything but to be a truly spiritual person is at odds with being a truly family/society based person. Even the teachers of old (Buddha,etc,) realized this.

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    5. Ben.. seems like your falling into a problem of "form" seek the "content" and definitions of right and wrong become light and playful things. A truly spiritual person takes whatever role is appropriate to demonstrate peace.. could be a lawyer, a house husband, bricklayer, a soldier.. anything.. if the content of the persons mind extends peace into the world then they are a truly spiritual person.. peace Richard

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    6. A classic mother, human or furry creature, is committed to care for her child to the death. What mother has to promise, make a spoken vow, for such commitment? Her love right now is the promise, the assurance to the child. That is true commitment. Only a hireling nanny must make a spoken vow or sign a contract that she will love the child. The nanny is not a true mother, and her commitment ends with the contract, or she may even break the contract. Making promises is forced commitment, and cannot come from love. The hireling shepherd runs on promises, contracts, and will run away when times are tough. The true, unhired shepherd loves the sheep to the death. Commitment is what it is, from the heart, not from words, and doesn't end. Commitment is the unbreakable vow. "Don't make vows," says Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount, in the same breath that he says "don't divorce.". Why don't we think about this?

      I agree with Ben. Romantic attraction (what we call "love") is beautiful, to be celebrated. But it cannot be the basis of a relationship. Romantic attraction eventually fails, always. Always. Love never fails. Romantic love often stands in the way of true love. Family attachment often stands in the way of love and respect. This is why both Jesus and Buddha emphatically spoke about breaking family attachment to find real love. Jesus was more harsh about this than Buddha (for the person above who likes to point fingers at Buddha) (Luke 14:26).

      An essay I wrote on our confusion between love and possession:
      https://sites.google.com/site/livingwithoutmoney/Home/love-possession---sex-money

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    7. Looking at the secular, outer world and society at present, divorce eclipsing marriage rates, most would agree about romance. Yes romance can be very fleeting. Again, I tend to look at most actions people take, as well as my own, and ask, "What is the intent?" When people are feeling and reaching from the Jesus within or the God within and make a connection, then it has a good basis. Unfortunately too many unions are when souls meet at the level of their pain, their unfulfillment and for the wrong reasons. If I seem like I am whittling away at this point, it is because I am envisioning the society you speak of where there is no currency, no debt. Eventually, there will be families involved, not just emancipated Buddhas, but real people with desires to join and have a family of their own. Sometimes the pronouncement of marriage or union is to say to others, please do not tempt us, please respect our microcosm of community. Nonetheless, best to those who participate in the moneyless life. What you are doing will raise the consciousness of all. Peace to you all.

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    8. Its impossible to judge another souls action, its possible to have an opinion but thats all it is.
      Spiritual life is very simple, two words, "Be Kind". Thats it thats the entire teaching of all spirituality in a nut shell. If you read anything in the Bible about Jesus and he acted in a way which was anything but unambiguously kind then its just rubbish written by the hand of man. Rip it out. Be Kind is a 24/7 practice, so although the idea is easy the doing is difficult, but you can never claim that you do know what to do at any given moment, because its not rocket science to know what is kind and what isn't. Its a great way to become eternally present. ..peace Richard

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    9. Haven't you ever heard of "killing with kindness"? It's many times hard to discern when kindness will kill. That's why we were given the Bible, to give us direction from the Manufacturer of all this!

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    10. You need a book to let you know what kindness is ?. Kindness does only kind things, but its not a "power", if someone dies from your kindness then the response is continued kindness. You would never intentionally kill or harm another through kindness, that would not be a kind thing obviously. One simply is as kind as possible to self and others, the effect of this kindness is not within our control. Like i said its simple to understand kindness but difficult to practice because we are so judgmental of others and self. peace Rich

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    11. Further thoughts on kindness.. we don't do kindness to people, we simply become kinder, we forget to judge, our opinions get slack, we become more defenseless, we have less to defend. The practice of kindness makes us radically present, it demands that our attention be in the 'now'. We can not be kind in the future, or the past. You can't decide to be a kinder person tomorrow, you don't need any special training to be a kinder person, you just start right where you are and keep coming back to that space of kindness when ever you drift off into the fantasy land of judgment. Lets not forget that forgiveness is another name for kindness, so if kindness is too much to handle, we can think about forgiveness which is what anyone really wants anyway, to be forgiven and to offer forgiveness, which is as mentioned is another way of looking at kindness... the coffee is wearing off - i'll go now.....be kind ....Rich

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    12. If your kindness kills, what is the good of it? It is of no evolutionary, natural, scientific or physical good, so what does it accomplish? Does laying down all your rights and ambivalent feelings give you a sense of being good and righteousness? But what good is good and righteousness if it does no good but make you feel good? Isn't that just plain selfish?

      Not to consider the future immunizes you from seeing the consequences of your killing, enabling, kindness. Therefore, it is more than selfish. It is also destructive. It is destructive with no remedy, because if you refuse to think about it, you will continue on down the same destructive road, a victim instead of a victor!

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    13. answer below.. blog was malfunctioning..

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  8. I think the idea of a moneyless walk across the US is a great idea. Victor Flanagan did this in Australia; http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/money/naked-nomad-leaves-millions/story-e6frezc0-1111116058578
    and Peace Pilgrim did it in the US. All who wander are not lost
    Joey

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    1. Yes, they blazed the trail. PP, one of my grand inspirations! It might be time for it to move beyond solo to pilgrimage as community!

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  9. Not used to this blog stuff, so here I go again.(2nd time typing this) I am currently a student in an English 101 class using your biography to write several of our required papers. While I am interested in the whole living without money issue, I was more moved by your personal growth and spiritual journey. I could relate with your strict christian upbringing and the struggle that it brings. I was pleasantly surprised that you went back to those core beliefs even though you had been treated badly by many in your original "religion". Thank you for sharing your incredible journey with us. Thank you for allowing Mark to write your biography in such an interesting way. I am still amazed by all of the visceral reaction your story brings. Our class has had a wonderful time analyzing, debating, and doing some soul searching after reading your biography.

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  10. Hi Suelo,
    Read through your blog and musings. Absolute amazement. Your piercing analysis of credit and currency cuts to the bone about what is ailing the country. I do have a question for you though. I notice you mention house sitting a lot. Although it would seem you could simply decline and don't need to do this, you do watch other people's possesions. Their dwelling is a possession, otherwise they would not be in the right asking you into it. How is guarding such a massive and owned by deed and commonly mortgaged structure fitting into your path? People owe money on these dwellings, take up squatter's rights on the land by law and squander a great deal of resources doing so. Doesn't this project a bit of antithesis to all your life's work? Just asking. Roc in Philly

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  11. R in Philly:
    Nothing is evil in itself, but it becomes evil to us when we own it and market it. If everyone opened up their possessions and shared them, the possessions would stop ruling us and start serving us. What would happen if everyone started sharing their houses? There would be less houses, indeed, no? Why should I not encourage sharing of possessions?
    My philosophy is to be frugal with resources (less water, less heat, etc) saving more for the house "owner" than if somebody else were there. And if they have animals, it spares them being put in kennels. Extracting resources would come into balance and money would end immediately if everybody started sharing what already exists. The other option is maintaining thousands of empty houses, even as thousands of people go homeless, which is happening now. Same with hitch-hiking: why not encourage people to share their empty cars?

    It's not the technology that's the problem, it is its possession, lack of sharing, and its marketing.

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  12. Anonymous asks what good is my kindness if kills..
    A reasonable question. When i take flowers to my ailing grandmother, what good does taking the life of those flowers do..? When she can no longer make it through another day without extreme medical intervention and begs for her life to be terminated and i am given the lawful rights to sign the bit of paper which switches the machine off..where is my kindness as i sign the paper. Every breath i take kills millions of micro organisms, they have a right to live, would it be kinder for me to quit breathing...kindness and killing are inescapable in this world.

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  13. Yes. One's loss is another's gain. One's crucifixion is another's life: Nature's innate law. Loss of possession is death. We lose possession every moment. We die daily. Born again daily. Reincarnate daily: appointed to die over and over.

    Life's mysterious joy comes when we realize we possess nothing. No possessions: nothing to lose: no more taste of death. Freely dying is freely living. Freely giving is freely receiving. No more self and other, as "me" and "mine" are finally crucified. One crucifixion, one life, free. When our childhood lessons of repetition (dying and living, reincarnating) are over, we finally become Men and Women, appointed to die once and for all, appointed to live once and for all.

    Kind: 'a group sharing a common trait.' Kindness: realizing we are one kind, dying and living, together.

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  14. Suelo you are an inspiration.Truly ,sharing is the way forward for the U.S. and the world.when everyone shares freely,we will live in more pristine place physically as well as mentally.Sharing and caring are at such a low point now.praise is heaped on those that share just a little because of this.We need to create a society where sharing is the rule,not the exception.-Sharing the surplus in SF bay area

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  15. I like the fact Suelo is asking for more commitment. Sometimes I feel like the internet is like the film The Life of Brian, where a bunch of radicals are sitting around talking about how much they need action instead of words, yet they just keep saying that over and over again without committing to any action. There are too many words on the internet, and not enough loving actions in reality.

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  16. Dear Suelo,

    I'm here in the UK listening to the radio interview you did with the BBC back in 2009...

    I spent a fairly short period of time without money in India once upon a time... I also spent my time in caves and temples, wandering the lands etc (it was an experiment of the self into the Sadhu culture). It really changed my life and the way I saw the world and the people around me. It made me realize that people are inherently good and that if they can help others they will do. People get mis-guided by greed and power and temptation in life, but deep down we are good. At the time I left money behind I wanted to see how easy it was to turn my back on conventional thinking and how it was to live the sadhu life. People thought I was crazy, but it was the happiest time of my life (so far), I was tempted not to come back from that life...

    Anyway, in your radio interview you say you get a lot of negative comments on your blog, so here's one to balance it up the other way. The Indian culture supports aesthetics (Buddha was one of them) as they lead by example and teach us through their actions (or in-actions). I hope you continue to live your money free life (or continue until your heart tells you otherwise). Your example is an inspiration, it can only raise questions and make people think about their values - and that is needed, worthy and of consequence. I wish you well brother. Aum Shanti ! Hari Aum !!

    Ade Baba

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  17. Hi all. Relatively new to this post. The ideas laid forth are definitely something to ponder--food for thought if you will. I think it may be ironic, or perhaps the universe that brought me to this particular segment of the conversation. I see what Dan Suelo is doing. Kudos buddy. What is perhaps most interesting though, is this thread. I just celebrated the birth of a beautiful baby girl with my wife and we couldn't be happier. I was looking for ways to stretch the dollar while at once questioning my own commitment to family life, probably due to lack of sleep. Sometimes you just need to see what you don't want to make the path more clear. It's kind of sad that women are excluded from your lives if you think that men who leave families are to be emulated. No offense to those with same sex partners either. I think the same applies. A family is a family. I agree with the previous poster who spoke of commitment. Suelo, you started out your blog praising the woman who shared your cave for a while as not being "moody" and "bitchy". That smacks a little bit sexist don't you think? I frequently hear those words coming from men who tend to put women in their own category off to the side. No one in this blog talks about family and unity whether it be walking as a tribe or growing food or settling as a community. That is part of the problem with our culture is it can be a me first order. I read about men needing to hunt and needing to feel manly and needed in previous posts on here. How about doing what you need to? If it involves doing dishes, get over yourselves. Part of being a man is doing what needs done for the family and what is asked of you. It may be changing a diaper so your tired spouse can sleep for 15 extra minutes. I don't need to go kill something to prove who I am. I am a father and I like it. Like I said, sometimes you need to see and hear what you don't want to know you are on the right path. Gary

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    1. You're right, Gary, my using "moody" and "bitchy" smacks of being sexist. It's my poor attempt to show that Lynn beautifully dispelled stereotypes. Simply saying she "has a spirit of constancy, never complaining" would be sufficient. Perhaps I'll go back and change the post, thank you.

      Yes, we need to find more ways families can live moneyless, possible in community. One step at a time. It takes hardcore individuals without families, willing to forsake family attachment, like Peace Pilgrim (yes, a woman) to blaze the trail. Families living moneyless can be possible in sedentary community, but our laws likely prevent families in migratory community. But the idea of migratory community with whoever *can* join inspires me.

      Yes, men or women should never have to prove themselves.
      They must live out instincts within them and not repress their authentic selves under either society's conservative or liberal constraints. If that means a man or woman walking into the wilderness to hunt, let it be. If that means a man or woman wanting to nurture a child, let it be. It is not sexist to say more men instinctually tend to one and more women the other, but it is blindness to deny that there are those in between who go both ways, and they have not been acknowledged, much less respected, in our history. Equality is not homogenous. As a gay man I say this. We repress our authentic selves because we do not follow the Law written on our hearts but the laws of appearances and the laws written in books. There is no law superior, no law more authentic, than the Law written on the heart, the conscience. The Law on the heart trumps all written law. The Spirit trumps the Letter. All who dare say this are persecuted by written law.

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  18. Whew, Suelo. You are incredible. I felt I had to say what I did out of what was in my heart, but at the same time expected a boatload of resistance coming back at me. Your words are kind and gentle. You speak of what is truly in the heart. For the first time in my life I want to be with my daughter and my wife only. At least for now. I don't want to have to make a "living" or go forage for whatever scraps the corporate world has left me. I have endured a great deal of sarcastic wit from co-workers (mostly male) the past few weeks because I said I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home dad. I heard retorts about how it just isn't wired in guys to do that and that's womens' work blah blah ad nauseam. I started feeling swelling of anger inside, almost to the point of rage but let it go. Your last comments shed enormous light on this. I thought maybe I was angered because I should be out making a killing of money or hunting or some other manly task when I realized something. I was so upset because I denied what was written on my own heart at that very moment. It ironically is my desire and need at this time to be gentle and be nurturing and yet denying this and denying who I am at this moment scared me and made me angry. Angry and upset at those who have been mocking me but moreso with myself for ignoring my path. I am not ashamed to say this, I actually shed some tears after this epiphany. It was strange that I had to feel something akin to destruction inside before I would allow the nurture to surface. It reminded me of your post on the feminine. All I could see was the snake ready to attack. This too brings me to see that so much wasted time goes to work. Not serious life-sustaining productivity, but greasing the wheels of corporate greed and gain. I need to rethink what my time on this earth is truly worth. Gary

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  19. Wow, what a moving post, Gary! I'm glad you have been able to resolve this burning issue. I have relative who is a stay at home dad. I think he is the only real stay at home dad I have ever met. They had kids at a young age, 15, and then the wife decided to finish her studies and the man just stayed at home to raise his kids after he got laid off work.

    The oldest is now about the graduate high school, and has had a lot of good support from the dad. The dad not only helps with homework and house chores, but he also does more "manly" stuff around the house, like odd construction jobs. He's actually done a really good job of raising his kids and his wife has done a good job of getting the house finances in order.

    While I think there are differences between women and men, and each have different tendencies, it doesn't mean that a man is not a man just because he fits in better in a different way.

    I think it's because money means power these days and typically it's been the man's job to lead a home. If the woman is the money earner, or even just makes more money, then people take it to mean that the higher money earner has the final say or authority. I think that's all just a bunch of crap. We shouldn't interpret that money means having power. It's both the man and woman's job to support one another.

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  20. I always felt/knew there was something wrong, oneday in 2012 I searched on the internet how to live without money and then i found you ,and thought it was cool what you did ,but now this time im 25 years old this year, I have come back to it and have been reading all your post.looked up videos of you, ive been fascinated with them.

    I haven't found a single thing i disagree with, haven't had any conflicts in my mind while reading these posts.i feel pleased deligted reading them more than anything,and the really awesome thing about it is its so simple, just be yourself truthfully, yet this society makes everything extremely complicated, these post have been dramatically changing my perception of the world ,and im rethinking and being more mindful of what i do and what im thinking .and when i observe people, i see things more differently but more full truthfully. it almost seems hilarious now when i see armored trucks with police cars guarding "money"which no one can drink or eat or breathe, It is indeed a strange world for us humans now.

    I am now saying more "no" to my previous fake"yes's"stopped using bath soap, only use baking soda now and its waay better than any soap. have been meditating on this stuff, also unlearning what i have learned, and the more i do it, it the more i realize how very insane this commercial society is ,and makes me want to get away from it even more , it makes me question why even work for money , to me it seems money never built a house , put gas in the car, grew a tree, put food on the table or anything, to me it just doesnt work out. it feels like a fictional manipulating mind tool or something that enslaves me because it keeps running out and i have to keep wanting and feeling as if i need it ,it is like a addiction , an unhealthy addiction that i feel is necessary to quit , it feels as if money gets me nowhere and creates more and more problems for me. makes me feel trapped and stuck in cycles that i cant escape ,and i intend on quitting it,i haven't even worked in 4 years lol,but even when i did work it felt like it was never enough kept on wanting wanting wanting , i notice everywhere i go , people always want to change you and they want you to join their gloomy economy and ways of life, want you to work and be "productive" in this society, and the more i realize this the more i feel i want to get away from it. in fact this society feels too oppressive and very much feels like a big prison and everyone in it are slaves wasting away life and destroying our resources to the illusion of money , and i dont like it.

    ive tried living off the land not once but 2 times in hawaii , i would like to try it in the continental us so i can have more space to get around, i wanna do it in utah in the canyon lands like you did before, i often keep fantasizing about living ip in a cave far far away from society out in the desert near a stream or creek and hunting down prickly pears and purslane and just being free , it just seems exciting and fun to do, only thing is the prickly pear micro thorns are really irritating and super awful ,so i fillet them lol

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