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Monday, February 02, 2015

THEY FINALLY CONVINCED ME I'M A MOOCH & A BUM!




Okay, all the thousands of oh so so so clever and well-thought out criticisms that I'm a freeloader and a bum have finally convinced me!   I'm sick of it and done with this!!!  

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em!

YES!  I've decided I'm THROUGH... KAPUT... with the moneyless life!  I've FINALLY come to my senses and am dumping this wacked-out gift economy-schmonomy-schtuff.  I'm aiming HIGH and am going to be an entrepreneur!

You know, I've always pointed out how you'll notice when most people find something beauteous they exclaim, "We could SELL that!"  Well, guess what?  I've found a new market! AIR!!!
Salt Lake City
Air so smooth and silky you can cut it
with a butter knife!
Almost ready for privatization!


I'm gonna be rich!!!

I had this epiphany when I attended the Utah Clean Air Rally (Moab) last Saturday (January 31st)!  At the rally, looking at all those commie complainers, I started having second thoughts!

Now think about this: air is a dangerous thing! AIR IS PURE COMMUNISM!  I mean, look around: air is free to ANYBODY, even the LAZIEST deadbeat!  Everybody SHARES it!  Like, check out all the MOOCHERS that air has enabled ALREADY! They're EVERYWHERE like AIR!  Air is Anti-American and AIRY FAIRY, the downfall of our Fair nation! 

Amen!
We must PRIVATIZE air! Let the TALK of freedom ring! 

Look! We've almost accomplished this goal with WATER: toxify it, make it inaccessible to all those not contributing dollars (birds, fish, deer, poor people), and then, VOILA, it's in our power to bottle it and market it to ONLY the DESERVING! 
Gives me the same inspirational
shivers as when I lift my eyes to the moon!
Communist Bolivian mooches
think they're ENTITLED...
to WATER of all things!
After all, my idol, the chairman and former CEO of the Nestlé Corporation, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, said a few years ago that water is NOT a human right and must be PRIVATIZED!

(2:27) "It's a question of whether or not we should privatize the normal supply of water for the population.  And there are two different opinions on the matter.  (2:35) The one opinion, which I think is extreme, is represented by the NGOs, who bang about declaring water a public right.  (2:51) That means that, as a human being, you should have a right to water.  That's an extreme solution.  (3:00) And the other view says that water is a foodstuff like any other, and like any other foodstuff it should have a market value.  (3:13) Personally, I believe it's better to give a foodstuff a value, so that we're all aware that it has its price."
Bless his heart, after much public backlash, Peter Brabeck later tried his backlash best to backtrack on his back-handed words.  I'd do the same, now that I'm in the respectable ranks of esteemed entrepreneurs.  You gotta say anything for business' sake... even schmooze to the liberals!  They have money and drink bottled water, too!  EVERYBODY hop on the privatization train!  Or on a private boat to your new Nestle's plastic continent!

The beauty is overwhelming: a plastic continent!
New beach-front real-estate!


This excites me.
Countdown to the moon!
10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
Ah, yes, it gives me goosebumps to look at the moon.  NOT that I'm some pussy nature freak, but I look forward to the day when the earth follows the lunar example, where ALL air is privatized, available ONLY to the well-suited! 

In the mean time, please keep buying stuff from far away (exotic is better!); keep driving your car and jetting around; 
keep investing in the global economy (save the brown children! Provide jobs for 'em!); keep pushing for privatization; and, if you are Religious Right, keep bastardizing the communistic teachings of Jesus. You've done a wonderful job at it so far!  Keep it up! 

And, remember what the televangelists and their twin nemeses say: homosexuals and scantily-clad hussies cause hurricanes and tsunamis, but pollution can't change the climate!
Of course, they and we know no rational human on earth can believe this, but we gotta keep repeating it, because we're shootin' for the MOON!













Yup, that old Cree saying.
Yay!  We're close to accomplishing our goal!
To the moon we go!
Invest in your private climate-controlled-made-in-China space suit right now while supplies last!

Space, the Final Frontier
"Freedom Isn't Free"

Encore photos: I just added the 2 pics above today (Feb 3rd),
suggested by my friend Stephanie Raven (in the comments below).
Pics also taken by Stephanie, from her blog.


20 comments:

  1. ha ha suelo i like it, the space suit the ultimate business suit.

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  2. Wow, Suelo! Excellent satire. I miss you!

    Love, FunkyG

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  3. Ha ha ha ... I have to admit I didn't know what to think after the first paragraph, but then it became clear as day. Excellent satiric piece Daniel!!

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  4. I wonder how many people will read just the first paragraph and proclaim victory for their "perfect system". Daniel, you have found a satiric vein that will certainly go a far way to shock some people profoundly asleep. :)

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  5. Sounds like the Cash Hog saw his shadow.
    There'll be at least six more weeks of moneyless living.

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  6. How did I see this coming? (Wish I could post that picture of you holding the $20 here!)

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    1. Hey, I just posted that pic as an encore to the post above!
      Better late than never ;-)

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  7. "theres a hefty fuckin' fee" Matt Stone has always been classic voice. I was alarmed by the first few sentences as well. Don't let em bring you down. I'm not moneyless but live in poverty by choice and get enough crap from family and those who judge.

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  8. What a brilliant idea to privatize air! I look forward to investing in your company Dan :D You can have air-stations in every block to refill the gas tank in the space suit. You can also offer different flavors of air like sea breeze, mountain quality, oxygenated air, nicotine flavored, etc. You're gonna be super rich....LOL. Plus all your critics will turn into your fans...haha. BTW great pic of you with that $20 bill :)

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    Replies
    1. Punny, nicotine flavor.
      Bipolar choices: buy defiled+pure air

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  9. I hadn't read your blog in ages. I like your spirit..

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  10. Suelo, you are a gem of a human. I can't tell you how much I like you.

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  11. How much do you charge for one of the air molecules breathed by Julius Caesar?

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