Friday, August 10, 2007

Alaska Basking

Another mass email I'm posting:


I'm in Homer, Alaska, now! My flight back to the lower 48 (Portland) isn't till Sept 5th.

A lot of people haven't been getting my mass emails, & maybe not my private ones. I'm not sure if there's bad internet connection up here, but I haven't gotten a single answer to any emails for weeks. Still... here's another (which I hope to add to the blog :


Fishing ended, & my sea partners are already back to Utah. I decided to stay in main Alaska before heading back in Sept.
Ray & Stephen & I said our goodbyes at the Anchorage airport. They feel like family. Though I kept refusing it, Ray gave some cash as we parted ways. I started to try to use it, but couldn't bring myself to, so I got rid of it. It's really no big moral dilemma. It just would spoil my fun to keep it, & I truly feel way more fulfilled & free without it. Honestly, things don't come when I need them if I don't give up control.

Anyway, I decided to walk the rail - see if I could hop a train to Seward. Several trains stopped, but no cars were rideable. So I walked out of Anchorage, by the bay.

Near the beach & tracks I found my manna from heaven - wild peas galore! So peas have been my staple. I threw a bit of oats or rice I carried with me (until they ran out) into the peas to complete the protein. I'm also eating tons of berries, dandelion greens, & some wild mushrooms.

I eventually went to the woods to hike a trail paralleling the highway. But the straps & zippers on my little pack kept breaking. The pack was finally beyond repair - unusable. Now what'll I do? I thought. Then I reminded myself: all has come as needed when needed for 7 years - so why fret now? I walked some 20 yards and there was another backpack lying in the mud! So I cleaned it & transferred my stuff. Out with the old, in with the new. Why, after 7 years of this, do I still keep doubting???

So you won't get the idea that I think I'm special, I should add that this stuff happens to everybody, but when you think you have to control everything, it shuts your eyes to the magic before you. And when your hand is grasping possessions, it is not open to receive the constant blessings. Let go of one rung to grasp the next. All true religion - whatever brand or culture - is about giving up control, fully submitting to What Is, Who Is. Yet institutional religion, the Trickster, is about controlling everything, killing all faith, yet calling it faith.


I was planning to live off the land on the Resurrection trail across the Kenai Peninsula again, like I did 9 years ago, but then decided I wasn't energetic or equipped enough now, so after a few days I headed to Homer instead. A friendly 50ish man from Seward, with Parkinson's, gave me a ride. He talked about how his body was falling apart, how short his time was, how we gotta accept what life gives us. He dropped me at the Homer turn-off, at a picnic area. It started pouring rain for a couple days, soaking my gear. So I set up home in a little outhouse, which was barely used & without odour. A few salmon were going up stream, but I didn't feel the need enough to get motivated to spear them this time - so more peas it was. Guess I've taken way too many salmon this season. Some peas are green, some dried (which take longer to cook, though more proteiny & substantial). I also cooked up a batch of french fries somebody had thrown out - & they turned out delicious. I was feeling full & good. The rain finally ended I decided to hitch on, & got to Homer in 3 rides. One was a devout Christian with cancer, who talked about how short his time was, how we gotta accept what life gives us with joy. Joyful he was, too. Then I rode with a smiling Mormon just getting off from church. Really nice guy, &, like the Evangelical, didn't try to push his beliefs on me, which was refreshing. Then a friendly woman from Soldatna took me all the way to Homer. She was heading to a Chopin concert, meeting some girlfriends, there.


So here I am. I'd forgotten how spectacular this peninsula is. Craggy mountains & glaciers tower across the bay.

I'm not sure what's next. My cousin might be coming up in a few days, but, like I say, I seem to have lost contact with everybody.

I'm still very tired from the Bering Sea adventure. Can't believe I still find myself waking up at night feeling like I'm bobbing on the waves.

I'm processing my whole fishing adventure. It was something I surely wanted to do & had to do, & I'm so glad I did. It was fun & not fun, like all the grand adventures of my life. But I've learned what i needed to learn & feel no need to do it again. I also don't think I can bring myself to work for any kind of market again, or put myself under a boss again. I needed to do it to remind me of a working world I left, to not lose understanding of it. I needed to do something "a-moral" because often "do-gooder" work does just the opposite, giving us a sense of self-righteousness, bloated ego. Doing something like fishing and yet not taking payment for it has been a really bizarre experiment. I could tell it put Captain Rayburn in an awkward position. But I think it was good for both of us. Being free from markets & bosses has been a big part of why I live moneyless. So why else did I put myself under that? Many reasons. Maybe I'll talk about it in later email when I process it more. Many things are crystallizing. But I never know what I'm supposed to do with it all. The whole world is under chronic illness, and is it a good idea keep telling the world it is chronically sick? But we gotta have an alternative to the money system. We must, for sanity's & survival's sake - for peace of mind, if anything.