Thursday, September 20, 2012

Ode to The Holy Invisible Hand of the Free Market

Ode to The Holy Invisible Hand 
of the Free Market

Oh Holy Invisible Hand of the Free Market, we adore Thee above all,
and we sacrifice all our values and all that is life to Thee!

We are the Righteous Right of Evangelicals, LDS, Catholics, Jews, and Atheist Libertarians and rabble-rousing Tea Partiers!
How is it that we have put aside all our historical differences and come to perfect agreement?
We exceedingly rejoice, for we have found the reason! 
Yes, we have found the one god  we all have in common, through His Holy Profit, Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name).
Thou art the god who trumps all our core values, who trumps all our differences:
Thou art the Invisible Hand of the Free Market, and anything that stands in Thy way we call evil!

Thy wisdom in calling Thyself the Invisible Hand of the Free Market is awesome.  For thy holy sake we hide the fact that "Free Market" is an oxymoron.  For Thy sake we hide the fact that only that which is not owned and cannot be purchased is free.  But Oxymorons fool the simple-minded and glorify Thee, and for that we praise Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market!

Yes, we sacrifice the very foundations of our religious traditions and the foundations of our American democracy and thousands of years of moral evolution to Thee with thy holy oxymoronic lingo!  

Even as we Righteously Right Evangelicals, LDS, and Catholics mouth praises to Jesus, we sacrifice him and all that he taught on Thy Altar of Profit, Oh Invisible Hand! 

We have found, like our Holy Prophet Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name), that Jesus and laissez faire Capitalism are utterly incompatible. 

But, because of our unwavering devotion to Thee, Oh Invisible Hand, we deny this blatant contradiction, we pretend to serve and praise Jesus.  What better tactic to feign devotion to the most popular guy in history in order to promote Thy Cause, oh Thou beloved Mammon, our god above all gods!

Tar Sands Mining in Canada
We sacrifice all that is life to thee: our water, our air, our earth and all the living creatures depending on these things.
We will gladly sacrifice all life, including our own, to extinction for Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market.  We even sacrifice our dignity and rational thinking and all Reality to Thee!  We love Thee that much, and we are all yours! 

Yes, it's because of Thee and Thy Profit Ayn Rand  (Blessed Be Her Name) that we Righteously Right Evangelicals, LDS, Catholics, Jews, and Atheist Libertarians and Tea Partiers miraculously see beyond our seemingly irreconcilable differences, joining in Perfect Harmony as One Mind!

For decades, we condemned atheistic regimes.  We hated the USSR, claiming it was because of its atheism.  But now we find that we adore Red China, because Red China, though its government still claims strict atheism, and still commits unspeakable acts against human rights, has bowed in devotion to Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market, and serves us with its sweatshop slavery! 

Thou, Oh laissez faire Capitalism, art our Righteously Right New World Order, even as we belittle, call naive, and witch-hunt any real love, compassion, and authentic cooperation and ecumenical-ism as the evil "New World Order."  How beautiful are thy Orwellian and oxymoronic ways, Oh Invisible Hand!

We especially adore how Thou denounceth Big Government even as Thou art the source of all Big Government and Tyranny!  How sexy is Thy tyranny!

We praise Thy Holy Name, laissez faire Capitalism, and we denounce as Anti-American and Anti-Christian anything that stands in Thy way, even as we sacrifice our very US Constitution and our most basic Christian values to Thee!  We adore Thee that much! 

All that stands in Thy way is collectivist and altruistic.  And we know thy Holy Profit, Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name) said that anything collectivist or altruistic is evil.
Yes,  anything collectivist is contrary to Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market.  Collectivism is moochism.  How dare we fall into the barbarity of Northern European and Canadian socialistic ways, when we could uphold the real man values of Somalia, a beacon of no government regulation!  African Americans and Children had secure jobs, privileged to work sun-up to sun-down, in the old days before government regulated greed!

Yes, Thy Profit Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name), imparted to us amazingly profound principles and tweaked them to Serve Thee, and Thee Only, Oh Invisible Hand.  She claimed that to serve the self is in the best interest of society, but to act altruistically is evil.  How we nostalgically return to our black-and-white, wonderfully adolescent, humorless reasoning as we follow Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name). 

What a genius she was to reject the "collectivist" part of the Soviet system she escaped from, yet how she kept the Soviet black-and-white, humorless adolescent thinking that made the USSR the great empire that it was, throwing out the thousands of years of moral evolution with the bathwater.  It was this black-and-white throw-the-baby-out-with-the-bathwater thinking that was Ayn Rand's (BBHN) genius in appealing to generations of adolescent thinkers of whatever theistic or atheistic dogma.  For these are Thy Disciples and Thy Power, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market!  

How oxymoronically beautiful that she denounced mysticism, just as fundamentalists of all religions denounce mysticism, even as her mystic devotion to Thee went beautifully beyond all rational thought and reality!

Ah, yes, Collectivism is Evil, saith the Holy Profit (Blessed Be Her Name).  This is why we, Thy Disciples, denounce all that is life, all that is real, because all of life, all of reality, is Collectivist.  And Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name) knew, like us, that reality stinks and fantasy rocks!

We must privatize, because privatization, ownership, is an illusion of fantasy, is Thy Holy Character, oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market, Oh Grand  Illusion!

Yes, collectivism, sharing, is evil.  Every single bit of sunlight, all air, all water, and all earth are collectivist, shared by all, shared by just and unjust alike.  This is why we must not stop until all nature is destroyed!  How can anything without a money value, not under ownership, be worthy to exist?  We know that Thou art a god of fairness, which is why Thou hatest nature and all that is natural, because we all know nature is unfair.  Sun shines and clouds rain and the earth sprouts food freely for the undeserving.  How dare mooches get sunlight and rain!  Yes, collective air fills the lungs of lazy moochers.  This is why we must choke out the sun and poison the air with toxic emissions, why we must destroy our wild rivers and our land and forests and bring all under ownership.  We must privatize everything, even selling water in bottles (whooodeverthunkit?), so that only we, the deserving, who work for money, can afford it.  We are the only creatures that have to pay rent to lay our heads down on the earth, because we are the superior ones, Thy servants.  We must destroy all who break Thy Holy Law, Oh Invisible Hand!

Common sense is no fun, which is why we must destroy common sense.  Common sense and our dictionaries tell us anything under ownership, possession, is not free.  This is why we have oxymoronically given glory to Thee and declared that what is not free is free in our Holy Crusade to bring every single atom in the universe under private ownership!  How beautiful and glorifying to Thy Name to call purchased slaves free!

Quotes from Thy Prophet Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name) and her devoted disciples:

"It is precisely the 'greed' of the businessman or, more appropriately, his profit-seeking, which is the un-excelled protector of the consumer."  (Alan Greenspan)

"It is the self-interest of every businessman to have a reputation for honest dealings and a quality product."  (Alan Greenspan)

Ayn Rand and her Disciple,
Alan Greenspan,
in Gerald Ford's Oval Office
Alan Greenspan so graciously spread the gospel of Rand's ideology, even as he deregulated the banking industry and sacrificed the American Economy to Thee, Oh Dearest Invisible Hand of the Free Market.  Today, many Randians claim Alan Greenspan went against Randian philosophy, willfully ignorant that, at Rand's bidding and blessing, Greenspan entered the Federal Reserve and continues as her unwavering disciple to this day.

Yes, we worship and serve Thee above all, Oh Mammon, Oh laissez faire Capitalism!

I grew up reading Ayn Rand, and it taught me quite a bit about who I am and what my value systems are and what my beliefs are. It’s inspired me so much that it’s required reading in my office for all my interns and my staff.  
(Paul Ryan, quoted in Daily Kos 2012-09-04 01:30:00)

The invisible hand of the market always moves faster and better than the heavy hand of government.  
 (Mitt Romney)

I made a lot of money. I’ve been very successful. I’m not going to apologize for that. 
(Mitt Romney)

What I have, I earned. I worked hard, the American way. (Mitt Romney)

Laissez-faire in the beginning
"Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage's whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men."  
(Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead)

...the person who loves everybody and feels at home everywhere is the true hater of mankind. He expects nothing of men, so no form of depravity can outrage him. 
(Ayn Rand, Fountainhead

The creators were not selfless. It is the whole secret of their power-that it was self-sufficient, self-motivated, self-generated. A first cause, a fount of energy, a life force, a Prime Mover. The creator served nothing and no one. He lived for himself.  
(Ayn Rand, Fountainhead

Laissez-faire yesterday
America's abundance was created not by public sacrifices to the common good, but by the productive genius of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes. They did not starve the people to pay for America's industrialization. They gave the people better jobs, higher wages, and cheaper goods with every new machine they invented, with every scientific discovery or technological advance- and thus the whole country was moving forward and profiting, not suffering, every step of the way.  
(Ayn Rand, Capitalism: the Unknown Ideal

Laissez-faire today:
Direct product and backbone
of US capitalism
When I say “capitalism,” I mean a full, pure, uncontrolled, unregulated laissez-faire capitalism—with a separation of state and economics, in the same way and for the same reasons as the separation of state and church.  
(Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness)

I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. 
(Ayn Rand)

Quotes from the Mormon Enemy of the Invisible Hand of the Free Market

Right wing Evangelicals, who have always loathed Mormons, now, all the sudden, adore Mitt Romney.  Why?  Because just as right wing Evangelicals have sacrificed the core values of their very own Jesus to the Invisible Hand of the Free Market, so Mitt Romney has sacrificed his own core LDS values to Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market!

It's pretty damned obvious what the Bible says about accumulation of riches and oppression of the poor and basic sharing 101 (see The Way of Christianity and The Way of Judaism).  But, even so, the Holy Christian Right, in their unwavering love for Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market, can still deny the very Bible they love to thump and their very own human dignity for Thy sake!

But what about the Book of Mormon and other LDS scriptures and scholars?  They must be totally capitalistic and pro-greed, right?  Think again.

Because of prominent Mormons like Mitt Romney, Orrin Hatch and droves of LDS leaders who wallow in wealth and serve Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market and Thy Prophet Ayn Rand (Blessed Be Her Name), most people don't have a clue what the LDS scriptures really say.  To know our evil anti-capitalistic enemy, lets take a look at their own LDS scriptures and Mormon scholars that are completely opposed to Thee, Oh Invisible Hand of the Free Market, and against Thy Holy Profit (Blessed Be Her Name):

But wo unto the rich,
who are rich as to the things of the world.  

For because they are rich
they despise the poor,
and they persecute the meek,
and their hearts
are upon their treasures:  wherefore,
their treasure is their God. 
And behold, their treasure shall perish with them also.

(Book of Mormon, 2Nephi 9:29)

But it is not given that one man 
should possess that which is above another, 
wherefore the world lieth in sin. 
(Doctrine and Covenants 49:20)

But the laborer in Zion shall labor for Zion;
For if they labor for money they shall perish.

(Book of Mormon, 2Nephi 26:31)
Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just --
But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.
For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?  . . . .
And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another. 
And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life belongeth; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.
I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world. (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 4:17-23)

...and some were lifted up unto pride and boastings 

because of their exceedingly great riches, 
yea, even unto great persecutions;
For there were many merchants in the land, 

and also many lawyers, and many officers.
And the people began to be distinguished by ranks. . . .   
And thus there became a great inequality in all the land 
 (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 6)

Yes, the Book of Mormon is a Socialist conspiracy against Thee, Oh Invisible Hand:

And they had all things common among them; 
therefore there were not rich and poor, bond and free,
but they were all made free,
and partakers of the heavenly gift. . . .
There were no robbers, nor murderers,
neither were there Lamanites,
nor any manner of ‘ites;
but they were in one,
the children of Christ,
and heirs to the kingdom of God.
(Book of Mormon, 4Nephi 1:3,17)

Now let's expose Thy Enemy, the late Hugh Nibley, 
one of the foremost scholars of the LDS church:

Hugh Nibley
The idler shall not eat the bread of the laborer has always meant that the idle rich shall not eat the bread of the laboring poor, as they always have.
– Hugh Nibley

All my life I have shied away from these disturbing and highly unpopular—even offensive—themes. But I cannot do so any longer, because in my old age I have taken to reading the scriptures and there have had it forced upon my reluctant attention that, from the time of Adam to the present day, Zion has been pitted against Babylon, and the name of the game has always been money—"power and gain." . . . .  Babylon and Zion cannot mix in any degree. A Zion that makes concessions is no longer Zion.
--Hugh Nibley ("What is Zion?" CWHN 9:58)

Closing Invocation For Guitar
(to the Tune of "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms", words re-written by me)